Today, I woke up on the same hour of the day that I wake up every working day of the week. I took a hot shower, prepared myself to work, eat parts of what’s in the table while reading the daily, left home and once again took the odd chance of riding a spacious train. But it was my lucky day, an empty one stopped in front me.
I took my favorite spot on the rear of the train and read pages of Nate O’Riley’s adventure in Pantanal, oblivious of time until the train stopped to my destination. I got out, walked to an elevated ramp and headed to the street corner where I hopped to an aging jeepney. I handed my fare to the driver and continued reading my book, occasionally glancing outside and completely ignoring the two other passengers inside.
I signaled stop as the jeepney cross the wide intersection with one street leading to my office. Every step was heavy.
Today is Friday, and the summer heat is starting to take its toll. For a moment I dreamed of the beach, the mountain and the waterfalls, but the loud horn of a passing car snapped me from my daydreaming.
The usual greeting of the guards welcomed me when I enter the office compound. For the last 10 years, seven months and 18 days, I’ve spent most of my life in the four corners of this corporate establishment, trying not to stumble nor fall, consistently climbing up the ladder of the corporate world because that’s what people are expected to do, as thought in school. Study hard, get a job, build a career, save and prepare for retirement. A proven path to long term stability.
I was quite early. I counted few people in the room already glued to the monitors in front of them. No one noticed me as I walked to the hallway down to my cube. Before settling down, I looked around and suddenly everything turned blue. Then a big question popped out of my head. Is this really what I wanted to do with my life?
At that moment everything around me seemed boring and routinary. I am tired. For the last 10 years, seven months and 18 days, I’ve been doing the same thing everyday and I felt sorry for my self. The truth is, I envy people who know exactly what they want to do with their lives and has the courage to do it. I thought of Rachel Lane, Michael Brock, Nate O’Riley, Edcel Suyo, Gael Hilotin, Doi Domasian, Marcos Caratao, Flip Damon and a lot more characters, whether in fiction or in flesh.
I am still not yet prepared but a big part of me is telling me to do what I wanted to do and the call seems to be growing every minute. The road is calling me now.
I am still young, I still have time to crack up, stumble, fall, redeem myself and my career. If I do not do it now, my time might run out and there might be no time left for me at all.
The next few days will be a total battle. I hope somebody or something will wake me up from this delusion and keep me back on track. But if not, I will still be the happiest person alive.
Wish me luck!
kamusta naman ang decision? i hope you get to decide soon coz nakaksad thinking na you are just dragging yourself to work. either you take that big leap angel or palipat ka other department or cheer up. nakaka cancer daw ang masyadong malungkot 🙁
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